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Healthy Women's World

Recovering From A Romance Or Dating Scam

  • By: Alan Prince

  • Dating Scam

    As bad and sad as the experience of a dating or romance scam is, there is a need to heal from it.
    It is an experience that many victims who have been through it have described as being worse than a nightmare.

    Although they never bargained for the romance scam when they began to look for a date online, yet when the romance scam happened, they didn't imagine that the experience would be so horrible as it later turned out to be.

    Some victims told me that they couldn't sleep at night for days afterwards.

    Rather, they would cry their eyes out on their bed. They let me know that they would wish that the whole incidence was a dream and that it would just go away.

    But it never did.

    The experience stayed with them for a while before they got over it. And many others who use the internet all over the Western world are still going through the same experience till date.

    From my interactions, counseling sessions and experiences with many victims of the scams, here are some tips to use in getting over this scam:

    1. Do not keep what happened to you secret: Find someone to talk to about what happened. Don't keep your experience a secret just because you want to avoid being embarrassed or being ashamed.

    It always helps to find someone whom you trust totally to confide in about what happened to you.
    It is best to look for someone who will not condemn you for what happened. At the time it hits you that you have been scammed, you do not need a judge or a critic.

    You need someone on whose shoulders you can cry on, someone who o can just listen to you, without making you feel guilty.

    Look for such a person and talk to the person about what happened to you. It helps a lot to do this.
    2.Avoid blaming yourself: blaming yourself won't help matters at all. By engaging in the blame game, you would only be complicating matters for yourself.

    It won't help you to heal fast, but will only hurt you the more emotionally.You need to break free from blaming yourself, or from being held down by the victim mentality.

    You can't get over the experience if you keep blaming yourself. No matter what you did wrong, you need to avoid blaming yourself .

    The time after the romance scam is not the time to look for whom to blame. What you need to do is to get over it first.

    3.Look for professional help where necessary: if you can't handle the experience alone, or with the person you shared with, then you need to see a professional counselor or minister to help you out.

    In some cases of the romance scams, especially those in which the love affair had been going on for long before the scam took place, it might be better to seek professional help in addition to other sources of help.

    This is due to the fact that such victims are often unwilling to let go of what to them seemed real and are too taken in by the illusion that they were in love with.

    Their reluctance to let go of the experience could actually be a problem to them, and as such, they will need professional help to get over the experience.

    Also, people who have experienced cases of depression due to the romance scam are advised to seek medical help.

    4. Avoid critics and people who make you feel bad: It is very crucial that after this experience, you do not mix with people who will condemn you or make you feel bad about what happened to you.

    Many people who have experienced the romance scams have been ostracized, heavily criticized and even alienated by their families, friends and colleagues.

    Some of these people think that those who have fallen victim of this scam were stupid, or careless and so on. That is far from the truth.

    It is very difficult to explain to many who do not know about the scams, how it operates. They may not fully understand what it means to be in love, to trust another person wholeheartedly, and then just suddenly discover that it was all unreal.

    No one got into a romance scam intentionally.

    As such, you need to avoid people who try to blame you for what happened, or make you feel guilty about it.It is important that you know whom to talk with on this issue, and who has access to this detail of your life.

    It will not help matters for you to be criticized at this time of your life.What you need is understanding, love, compassion and comfort, not criticisms.

    Do not move close to people who make you feel bad or horrible about what happened.Avoid them as much as you can till you have pulled through the experience and put the incident behind you.

    Be restrictive with what you share with people, especially those who are likely to criticize you.

    5. Join a Support Group: You can find a support group, comprising of people who have been through the same experience, join them and participate in their activities.

    You will get to meet people who have been scammed like you, and make new friends. You will also get new information and insights that will be of immense use to you.

    Being with people who have been through the same experience as you have makes you realize that this is not the end of the world. You get to see that others have actually been through the same experience as you have.

    And this encourages you to move on.You can get any of the support groups by searching on the internet using your favorite search engine.

    6. Help others: Helping others makes you grow stronger. I have literally seen many people who were once victims of the romance or dating scam, become stronger emotionally as they helped others. As you learn more about the scams, and you get over the experience, you need to share your experiences with others. It will help you in no small way to do this.

    Alan Prince writes from his interactions with hundreds of men and women who have been through the romance or dating scams. His research work and advice has been the basis of unraveling most of the methods of operation of how the romance scams operate. You can learn more about his work on the romance scams at

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    Warning - Scam