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Healthy Women's World

10 Ways to Identify a Player

  • By: Ellen Damaso

  • 10-Ways-to-Identify-a-Player
    Identifying a player is never an easy task, sometimes these people are so good at their game and so smooth that part of them really believes the things they say. They don't necessarily 'lie' because if they get caught, it's game over. But, they have to be more cunning than that. Acting genuine and honest gives them a greater chance of secure whomever their prey is and keeping them as long as they desire. Some people have no problems with players, all's fair in the game of love. But there are others who are genuinely looking for something more than these players can provide. The sooner you can spot a player, the sooner you can run in the other direction and keep yourself from wasting time and energy. Being with a player is a thrilling, exciting experience. Yet, it's one of those experience that one only needs to experience once and they know what it's about. So, for those still wet behind the ears in dating, here are 10 rules to spot a player:

  • 1. Calls you affectionate names from the get go
  • At first, this may seem sweet and innocent, but this is a technique to lure you in from the get go. Players try to soften your defenses. When they do this, you'll let them in and be more apt to go along with their agenda. Exchanging these verbal pet names gives an illusion of closeness, making you feel that you can trust that person more, and you grow an emotional bond to them. The stronger the emotional bond, the greater chance they have to get their wants met and the longer they can keep you around. To keep from being lured in, either cut it off from the start (you'll hear that repeated frequently throughout this article) or pull back and keep your guard up. And by keeping your guard up, I mean to constantly evaluate what they're saying and judge whether it's truthful or not. Actions speak louder than words, so always always pay attention to their behavior when they utter such sweet nothings.

  • 2. Tries to hit a home run asap
  • I think this one is obvious. Everybody knows that sometimes the name of the game in dating is just plain SEX. With players it is no different, players feed on having sex with as many partners as possible. It's a sense of conquest and brings an exciting challenge their way every time they find new prey. A major difference from just any regular person's desire for sex is that players are confident and aggressive. They know they have a high sex factor and will go for it right from the start. The sooner they can dominate and come out with their prize, the sooner they can move on to the next victim. Players will make an occasion to do the deed even if the mood hasn't built up to that

  • 3. Talks about different sexual fantasies trying to entice you to join in
  • Now this one may see exciting and stimulating for your sex life with the player. But, again, players feed on subjecting their chosen victims to making them feel special or different, and that they're sharing special sexual escapades together. Getting their victim to go along with their sexual agenda feeds into their feeling of domination in the 'relationship'. For some, it's not even a physical pleasure, but a feeling of bringing home the prize, much the way an athlete brings home trophies or the fisherman brings back coolers full of fish. Ask any player their number and they've got it memorized, given they're with their trusted friends who know about their lifestyle, they'll have endless stories of their experiences. Sharing those stories is another way they build their ego and confidence in their game, as they get assurance from others or praise.

  • 4. Phone never leaves their side
  • This goes without saying. Player and serial players alike have prospects all over the place, some being so broad as to capture anyone they're remotely attracted to. Of course their phones are going off the hook, they spread their net wide and anyone who is caught is thrown in with the others. And, being as you can't control when these prospects are going to call or text, keeping their phone close gives them the opportunity to hide the others from you. Hiding isn't necessarily lying, and in the player's eyes, they're being honest with you. If you happen to be the person that's with the player for the day, more likely than not, they'll keep their phone on silent and out of your view, so they can give the illusion that they're focused on you and there is no other person. As long as they feed into the prospect's illusion of being the focus, again, they can keep them right where they need them.

  • 5. Disappear for a day or so unannounced
  • This again goes back to reason #4. A true player has only 24 hours in the day as everyone else, so to fit in their maximum victims, they have to work fast and smart. One way of doing that is giving each one a 'day' of focus and attention. Maybe keep you laid up in bed wooing you and calling you 'babe'. Whatever it takes, they'll pull that trick out of their hat. Doing this makes them more valuable to their prey and less likely to be revealed and kicked to the curb which most people would do. They've studies thousands of the opposite sex and know certain behaviors, and they'll adjust to it. Whatever you need them to be (to a certain extent), they'll play that role to ensure they again dominate and get their needs met. This disappearing is also a test in their book to see how long they can keep you around, if they know you'll let them get away with it and they still have a need for you. They'll keep you and these 'disappearing' days may come in more frequency.

  • 6. Very charming and are great with compliments
  • If they weren't charming, they'd get nowhere. Flattery gets you everywhere with people. Feed a person's ego and build them up, and they'll be putty in your hands. The better the prey feel around the player, the more they'll stick to them. This goes without saying, who doesn't want someone to make them feel like a million bucks. Giving this false sense of secuirty, gives the player a greater chance to receive back what they want from their prospect. And some of the players may be very sincere in their compliments, the thing that sets them apart is they know how to use it to get their hidden agenda met. So, take each compliment with a grain of salt, after all, who knows how many other people they say the same thing too. There are only a few ways to say 'you're sexy' to someone. This skill is easy to get good at, especially for a player who studies the opposite sex's behavior.

  • 7. Don't really take the time to get to know you as a person
  • This is obvious, and this goes for players and regular daters as well. If they want one thing and want one thing alone, the finish line is all they're focused on. Never mind all the fluff on the side of who you are. Allowing themselves the chance to know more about you brings about the possibility that they may find you interesting or start to care about you. Keeping you at arm's length (or even longer) is what gives them their control, if their victim is one to keep longer than others, the better it is to 'teach' their prey that there is a line that they should not cross to share or to ask about their life. They may be silent when you discuss their life or just nod their head and move on to the next subject--something THEY want to talk about (again, this feeds their need for dominance). You are a challenge to them, and the more they ignore who you are as a being, the less guilty they'll feel when they make their exit.

  • 8. Doesn't really share much of their personal life and interests
  • This defense mechanism is a very powerful one. It sends the message to you that what they share is under hidden lock and key, giving them 1) the feeling that their business is much too much important to just open up to you and 2) they don't want to give you a reason to stick around longer than needed. Most players don't get that way because they like to break hearts, the thrill of the chase and catch is much more important to them. If they can avoid a big scene and confrontation, the cleaner break lets them escape to other prospects. If they are serial players and they're going down the list like dominoes, the last thing they want is a psycho or badgering person. After all, they can't just change their phone number all the time, that would give them a loss of potential 'callbacks' should the occasion arise that they need them.

  • 9. Likes to dominate the relationship
  • This again goes back to the player's need to feed their ego. The more in control they are of the 'relationship', the more they can push and pull on it as they need. They may want you one day, don't want you another day, just depending on how they're feeling they should play their game. Doing this lets them direct the relationship to fulfill their hidden agenda. They may cut it off to keep you guessing and feeling confused. Then turn around again and come back casually. As long as they can get away with this behavior they'll do it. But once you put your foot down and they know you're not tolerating their player lifestyle, they will be done with you and move on to the next person (or even the other person they've had around).

  • 10. Doesn't introduce you or want to introduce you to anyone significant in their life..
  • This is similar to not sharing their life with you. They don't want you to get attached to the family or vice versa. If you become a cool girl/guy in the eyes of the important people in your life, the more likely you will stick around the player's life beyond their need time for you. Having less attachments means less baggage to keep the player for taking flight whenever the need arises. The player doesn't want to see the prospect in any other light than one that serves his purpose. Attachments yield possible conflict when they start to see the victim as more valuable with feelings.

    Going up against a player is a tough game, especially if they're good at what they do and have been doing it awhile. But if you're prepared and are keeping your eyes open to spot their 'player' behavior and not be fooled that it's unique behavior toward just you, then get in the ring! Players aren't unstoppable and nothing is worse to them than to have a prospect cut out on them. Do what you gotta do with them, for whatever purpose it is that you feel you need them for, whether it's physical, emotional, companionship, honing your player skills, etc. But when it's time to cut out, be the first to jump off and your player mate will crush down to their knees. Players feed on their ego and that is an ego bust to the nth degree. Have fun and play on!

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