As bad and sad as the experience of a dating or romance scam is, there is a
need to heal from it.
critics and people who make you feel bad:
It is an experience that many victims who have been
through it have described as being worse than a nightmare.
never bargained for the romance scam when they began to look for a date online,
yet when the romance scam happened, they didn't imagine that the experience
would be so horrible as it later turned out to be.
Some victims told me
that they couldn't sleep at night for days afterwards.
would cry their eyes out on their bed. They let me know that they would wish that
the whole incidence was a dream and that it would just go away.
The experience stayed with them for a while before they got
over it. And many others who use the internet all over the Western world are
still going through the same experience till date.
From my interactions,
counseling sessions and experiences with many victims of the scams, here are
some tips to use in getting over this scam:
1. Do not keep what happened
to you secret: Find someone to talk to about what happened. Don't keep your
experience a secret just because you want to avoid being embarrassed or being
It always helps to find someone whom you trust totally to
confide in about what happened to you.
It is best to look for someone who
will not condemn you for what happened. At the time it hits you that you have
been scammed, you do not need a judge or a critic.
You need someone on
whose shoulders you can cry on, someone who o can just listen to you, without
making you feel guilty.
Look for such a person and talk to the person
about what happened to you. It helps a lot to do this.
yourself: blaming yourself won't help matters at all. By engaging in the blame
game, you would only be complicating matters for yourself.
It won't help
you to heal fast, but will only hurt you the more emotionally.You need to break
free from blaming yourself, or from being held down by the victim mentality.
You can't get over the experience if you keep blaming yourself. No
matter what you did wrong, you need to avoid blaming yourself .
after the romance scam is not the time to look for whom to blame. What you need
to do is to get over it first.
3.Look for professional help where
necessary: if you can't handle the experience alone, or with the person you
shared with, then you need to see a professional counselor or minister to help
In some cases of the romance scams, especially those in which
the love affair had been going on for long before the scam took place, it might
be better to seek professional help in addition to other sources of help.
This is due to the fact that such victims are often unwilling to let go
of what to them seemed real and are too taken in by the illusion that they were
in love with.
Their reluctance to let go of the experience could
actually be a problem to them, and as such, they will need professional help to
get over the experience.
Also, people who have experienced cases of
depression due to the romance scam are advised to seek medical help.
It is very crucial that after this
experience, you do not mix with people who will condemn you or make you feel bad
about what happened to you.
Many people who have experienced the romance
scams have been ostracized, heavily criticized and even alienated by their
families, friends and colleagues.
Some of these people think that those
who have fallen victim of this scam were stupid, or careless and so on. That is
far from the truth.
It is very difficult to explain to many who do not
know about the scams, how it operates. They may not fully understand what it
means to be in love, to trust another person wholeheartedly, and then just
suddenly discover that it was all unreal.
No one got into a romance scam
As such, you need to avoid people who try to blame you
for what happened, or make you feel guilty about it.It is important that you
know whom to talk with on this issue, and who has access to this detail of your
It will not help matters for you to be criticized at this time of
your life.What you need is understanding, love, compassion and comfort, not
Do not move close to people who make you feel bad or
horrible about what happened.Avoid them as much as you can till you have pulled
through the experience and put the incident behind you.
with what you share with people, especially those who are likely to criticize
you. 5. Join a Support Group:
You can find a support group, comprising
of people who have been through the same experience, join them and participate
in their activities.
You will get to meet people who have been scammed
like you, and make new friends. You will also get new information and insights
that will be of immense use to you.
Being with people who have been
through the same experience as you have makes you realize that this is not the
end of the world. You get to see that others have actually been through the same
experience as you have.
And this encourages you to move on.You can get
any of the support groups by searching on the internet using your favorite
search engine. 6. Help others:
Helping others makes you grow stronger. I
have literally seen many people who were once victims of the romance or dating
scam, become stronger emotionally as they helped others. As you learn more about
the scams, and you get over the experience, you need to share your experiences
with others. It will help you in no small way to do this.
Alan Prince writes from his interactions with hundreds of men and women who
have been through the romance or dating scams. His research work and advice has
been the basis of unraveling most of the methods of operation of how the romance
scams operate. You can learn more about his work on the romance scams at http://elovedeceptions.com/